Yesterday Today Tomorrow. .. .

Had an okay visit with my dad yesterday - he isn't feeling well with the new infection again, so it was a rough visit. . .such a long trip, but today I just spent the day waiting for tomorrow and working on house stuff and bills - washed and cleaned up the interior in my car - anything to keep busy!!
Tomorrow I am so hoping for a good answer from my angels and to my prayers - I hope I am not setting myself up for disappointment - I have a tendency to do that - just waiting for an answer!!
Missing my bestest - she is at the beach - I would have LOVED to go but too much going on here (as usual. . .LOL!!) For me to get away - hope I hear from her tomorrow that they all made it safe and sound. .. sometimes I spend so much time waiting I forget to live in the now - like today. ..

My birthday?? Where did the time go??

I will be forty in a couple weeks - what the crap is up with that?? Last time I checked I think I was 32 - LOL!!
I no longer really do karaoke, online karaoke or pixel art or well, anything fun at all - looking back on forty years and seeing way too many regrets - when I graduated from high school, I remember my quote in the yearbook as being "to never regret anything" What happened to that person? Where is she? And where did my life go?
My dad is heading back to the hospital today with another blood infection - I tried thinking positive yesterday and turning over my worries for a bit - I have realized that is all but impossible in my life - I just hope my angels hear my prayers that we find a peaceful way through this situation. . .have you ever began to believe that there will be NO good answers??
Need to go get groceries with my three year old in tow - joy joy. . ..then I will come back here, cook dinner, do freaking dishes, go to bed and get up tomorrow to head back to Pitt to see my dad. . .hopefully for once this Sunday will actually BE a day of rest for me - I am burnt out. . .

Going to start up my blog again - just need a place to stick my thoughts. As many of my close friends know - have been through a lot this year in terms of my family I moved in Aug 2007 - my mom, who I loved soooo much she was like my best friend, passed away from emphysema in Oct 2007. My half brother was then killed in a vehicle accident in Feb 2008. Then my dad had a major blood clot in June of 2008 and has been hospitalized since then. Some days, it takes every ounce of my energy just to face another day. I have lost so much of who I thought I was along the way. All the things I used to do have stopped having meaning. It is so hard some days to have my hubby staying hours away all week and to still be a good mommy to my two wonderful children - they are polar opposites and 9 years apart - switching roles sometimes feels like pulling teeth.
Trying to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother, a good sister, a good friend - I have lost myself along the way. . .the good thing is I have also discovered a strength I didn't know I had - even before the last two years, I went through a LOT of tough situations, but the challenges of the last two years have sent me reeling at times. I used to love to sing, to do pixel art, and so many other things, but my life has lost its luster - here I hope to document one beautiful thing for every day to remind me why I am here.

Todays beautiful thought: There are angels surrounding us always, like guardians and friends sent from Heaven, asking them for help is all they wait for.